When I gave birth to Julian on August 8, 2001, my world changed forever. Suddenly things I never considered before, quality and ethics of food & water, necessary and unnecessary medical, the toxicity of products I used in my home, and contemplating the width and depth of my spiritual life came to the forefront of my mind. I reflect on this pivotal moment when I looked at my newborn son with strawberry blond peach fuzz and blue eyes and remember thinking, omg, I have him for the next 18 years at least; I'm responsible. A wash of overwhelm came over me for a while.
It's interesting how big moments can shift perception and how you engage with the world. This moment marked the beginning of my pursuit of an ever-evolving life of intention.
Yesterday I asked on Instagram what Autumn sounded like, and if it were in a key, what would it be?
Here are some of the answers;
the key of G
For me, Autumn sounds like "These Days" by Nico, the creative conversations that produce El Tonto Por Cristo, chanting at a candlelit Vespers service, James & Ginger at the Texas Theater, less Instagram, more love letters, and presence.
The question about Autumn and its unique sound was birthed by the 13-hour road trip home after dropping off my youngest to begin his collegiate years, which had me reflecting on time, how quickly it goes by and where I want to spend it going forward.
While I continue to contemplate how I'll show up publically and where I'll put my efforts personally, I can tell you where I will definitely be, and that is at Le Jesswell, or thejesswell.com, my website, a virtual space that I cultivate for your exhale and mine, and in your inbox every Friday with your Inbox Exhale; I'll save all of my everything for you there.
Classes this week---
Thursday 9/7: Power Yoga 6 AM CST Yoga Art Music
Thursday 9/7: Restorative Reiki 7 PM CST Yoga Up
Saturday: 9/10: Super Yoga Vinyasa 9 AM CST Super Yoga Palace
Voice Piece for Soprano---Yoko Ono
My youngest son had his last day of high school today. And I'm feeling pretty emotional about it.
Time has flown by. My life as a mother and a parent was better than I could have imagined in many ways. In other ways, I have regrets and the classic enneagram three thoughts, did I do enough, was I enough, and how could I have done better.
Perhaps making this moment so difficult is that it is the end of a season; there have been many of those in the last couple of years, but this one is hitting me a little bit extra. I'm proud, and I'm mourning at the same time.
When I catch my breath, I can count my blessings. I'm so thankful for this Super Yoga Palace community. So many of you have been with me over the last 13 years as I built this brand, this space, and this experience with my boys in tow.
Seasons change, and the transition is often bittersweet; I am in it, sitting with all of it.
I'm very happy that we yoga together tomorrow. The class I have planned for each of you is what I also need too.
As I type, I'm making myself a morning meal, avocado toast and a sunny egg, listening to this YouTube about sewing a capsule wardrobe (I don't sew very well but would like to). I'm searching for an excellent machine to add to my Amazon birthday wishlist. The enneagram 3 in me is in full multi-tasking form.
But you see, that's just it. As much as I have many things going on at once, my soul is leaning toward simplicity. And perhaps it's not that I don't want always to be learning, volunteering, or contributing, but I don't necessarily want to share, write about, or have it monetized as I have in the past.
Some things can be hidden, simple, quiet, and small.
Hidden, simple, quiet, and small is a quote I read from Father Thomas Hopko of blessed memory that has stuck with me. At face value, these words seem counter-modern culture, but it's good to remember to put everything in context, and perhaps those words aren't for you but me, my rebirth, my Spring enlightening.
On returning from San Francisco and our visit to Holy Virgin Cathedral Joy of All Who Sorrow, I had a bad case of the summer camp blues; I don't know that I was expecting that. I figured that stepping out of my day-to-day on a pilgrimage of prayer and contemplation would be beneficial, but I wasn't prepared for the grace-filled experience that it was. I'm not even sure how one could prepare for that. I'm still pondering, and I hope to write more about it in this diary as I feel prompted to share publically.
My biggest insight. Get honest with where you are. Ask for help when you need it. Pray always and ask others for prayer; the saints are available to you too. Baby steps. The small things and the big things, the sweet things, the best things, and they're often the quiet things.
How are you being reborn this Spring? What does growth or spiritual growth look like for you in this season? How can I pray for you?
These are just a few of my thoughts, thank you for reading, and I welcome the conversation in the comments.
Ps. This is a picture of St. John the Wonderworker whose relics I was blessed to venerate on this trip. If you'd like to learn more about this modern-day miracle-working saint send me a message and I will offer some books suggestions.